Sometimes I really want to get angry. To let all my emotions out. To let my anger explode. To show them my true feeling. But, I just can't. I don't know why.
"Why should you angry? Why should you use swearing words when you can use good words?"
Those questions always on my mind whenever I want to explode.
Well, I previously got angry to one of my friend. Once. Yes. Once. And after I blurted out my words, it felt so.... tiring. My heart beated fast. I got light-headed. And that's it. And after all the outrageous wave inside my mind cooled down... I felt very guilty. It was true that my friend was wrong. And it was okay to scold someone who was wrong, isnt it? But then, I just felt so wrong. I shouldn't mock that person. Even I apologized to that person for being so angry. Haha confusing.
But, how can some people can get mad easily? I see it as a strong person, who can build up their emotion to make other people listen to them. I actually don't like it when people wondering did I ever get angry. It's like I'm powerless.
It's like....
"If someone make a mistake to her, it's okay... just apologize to her. She will forgive you."
And in other words be like...
"She wont mind. She's kind. She'll never get mad."
I feel really powerless.. like I can be manipulated by anyone, just because I HOLD my anger not to explode. I don't know... but sometimes I want to show them that I can get mad. To show them how to respect.
But in reality, so far it only happened once. The rest of it, I just ended up crying in the bathroom, because I couldn't hold it anymore but I don't know how to say to them.
So far, crying is my best remedies treating exploding-anger-on-hold. Indeed
